Wedding Blues

I have to admit, I really dislike planning my wedding. I am burnt out on sappy, wedding sh*t. I don't care about programs or where people are going to sit. I am tired of planning this huge party to celebrate myself and Spencer and I am sick of people asking me about it. Seriously, I'm so over it that I don't even want to have a wedding anymore.

I just want to marry Spencer and not think about any of the things that I should be thinking about, like:

 How many candles do we need for the tables?

What time does the photographer need to be there to start taking pictures?

What kind of music do you want played during dinner?

How many rectangular table cloths do we need?

Who is going to hand out programs?

Are the bridesmaids walking down the aisle with the groomsmen? Or by themselves?

Where are we going to get all the candy for the candy bar?

Do we have to have father/daughter and mother/son dances? 'Cause I'm pretty sure my dad doesn't want to dance...

What time are the rentals showing up?

Did we get all the RSVPs? Who is going to call all the people who didn't send their cards back?

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Is it bad that all I think of for the answers to all these questions is "I don't care"? Aren't I supposed to care?? I want everything to work out and be pretty but if it doesn't, I don't care. I do not care about the wedding anymore.

It's just fluff.

All those tiny details that look so cute in all the photos on wedding blogs do not matter in the long run.

However, I still I feel like such a sham...an impostor bride, not a real one, because real brides should care if their bridesmaids wear shoes or not. Real brides should be looking forward to their wedding day, not dreading all the last minute planning and despising guest books and program ideas.

Then I saw this:

source

...and I realized, we are going to have this wedding whether I like it or not. I want to marry Spencer and there is no way I'd let myself call off the wedding and get married somewhere else, because we already spent so much money on it.

I've decided to change my attitude.

It's okay if I think weddings are lame and still have one myself. It's okay if I don't love every second of the wedding process. It's okay if our wedding isn't as cute as the ones on the wedding blogs. It's okay if I wear Rainbow sandals instead of sparkly heels. It's okay if everything gets messed up or is the wrong color or the wrong song gets played at the wrong time.

Everything will be okay!

 You know why? because I don't really care about any of those things anyway and that's okay!

I feel so much better now, like a weight has been lifted! I do not need to worry about anything because everything will be exactly as it should be and Spencer and I will be together.

(Thanks for listening. Sometimes I just need to get it all out there!)